Apparently God is an Orlando Magic fan. Apparently, God also wanted the Magic to lose 3 out of the 7 games for dramatics. God also hated the Celtics so much that he allowed them to win the championship last season.

It falls in line when you are at a funeral and people say shit like “God takes all the good ones first.” What the fuck does that mean? I will tell you what it means, all the living are assholes. People like Hitler have to kill themselves instead of the mighty hand of God doing us all the favour. George W. Bush was president for 8 years and didn’t die while choking on a pretzel. Does this mean God will intentionally sabotage the planet with billions of fucktards and take a select few up with him? And the people that he decided to bring to heaven with him, they have to get cancer and wilt away to nothing before they can join him. How fucked is that?

For the record, Kathy Griffin has the best all time acceptance speech

Before you open your mouth and try to speak for God, think for a second, then keep your mouth shut.