Things I have learned from porn

All I can add is that girls love it when you pull it out and then spray their tits, face, and mouth full of semen.

QueryLog: things i have learned from porn

  • Women always want “it” even if they haven’t yet been made aware of this fact.
  • Women are all bi-sexual if given the chance.
  • Lesbians never look like Peppermint Patty.
  • Women get very turned on by–
    • Looking down at their gear.
    • Colossally stupid puns.
    • Misogyny.
    • Answering the door.
  • Sexual intercourse must never be shorter than four minutes and never longer than six.
  • There are a lot of gay Republicans with nice abs.
  • Sex with children is wrong but sex with women who pretend to be children, down to a lack of pubic hair, is sooooo right.
  • All a woman really wants is a cock so big that it hammers her cervix.
  • HIV, herpes, genital warts, and non-specific urethritis don’t exist and are just scary stories made up by people who never “get any.”
  • Surgery scarred cross-eyed boobs hard enough to break eggs are hot!
  • Blow jobs are the sexual equivalent of intermission.
  • Women who don’t scream have not had an orgasm.
  • Sex is boring.

Naked driver shocks young girls in Saint John

What do you think the police line-up for something like this would be?

Naked driver shocks young girls in Saint John
Sgt. Pat Bonner said a naked man in a small white car has pulled up alongside young girls on two separate occasions in different parts of the city.

The first incident happened on Jan. 9, on Somerset Street, in the city’s north end. The second took place on Jan. 12, on Loch Lomond Road in east Saint John.

“He would pull up beside them, very slowly,” Bonner told CBC News on Monday. “And of course, when you’re walking, and you see a fender, you look over to whatever is beside you. And of course, there he was in the vehicle, doing his lewd acts, and then drove off. Nothing was said to the persons at all.”

Topless girls help slow down speeders

Once again, Canada is so far behind the rest of the world. While I get a pot-belly, scruffy male to great me every day with a slow down sign, Denmark has hot topless women with speed limit signs.

bikini.jpg

BTW, this is an news clip from Denmark. So, that means it’s boarderline porn. Probably not worksafe in Canada or the USA.

Porn Shoots Get Under Their Skin – Los Angeles Times

Man, I wish I could get these kind of neighbours on my cul-de-sac!

Porn Shoots Get Under Their Skin – Los Angeles Times

Outraged, Johnson called the city seeking to shut the porn shoot down. But everything, he was told, was perfectly legal.

In any given year, about 3,900 adult films are shot in Los Angeles, according to industry estimates. As with any other shoot, those films are supposed to obtain permits from the city. But the city doesn’t restrict the content of the projects it approves.

Which means that if one of your neighbors decides, as Johnson’s did, to rent out his house for the filming of “The Alphabet” in which sexual acts are performed in alphabetical order by 21-year-old identical twins there’s not much you can do to stop him.

I’ve got to move to LA!

Neighbour sees teen girl on porn video, tells girls parents

What is your 16 year old teen doing on spring break?

Five years ago, when Monica S. Pippin was 16, she entered a wet T-shirt contest during spring break at Daytona Beach. The Plant City High School junior exposed her breasts as men doused her with $5 pitchers of water, she said.

She won the $100 grand prize.

And here is where the fun really begins.

Then one day, a neighbor saw Pippin in a Playboy video on cable television and called her parents.

Pippin sued, saying she never consented to be included in Playboy Exposed: All American Girls and Girls Gone Crazy: Spring Break.

“I find it disgusting and embarrassing,” Pippin, now 21, said in a sworn statement as part of her 2002 federal lawsuit. “I think it makes me look like some kind of prostitute or porn movie star, almost like I am trying to show my body to the camera, which I was not.”

I wonder if the neighbour is keeping the tape? Would it be illegal for him to knowingly know he has a teen sex tape?

She says that she didn’t want anything to do with the Wet T-shirt contest, yet she paid $5 to enter the competition in which she won the grand prize of $100. Why do I have a feeling that she is white and blonde?

Pippin went to Daytona Beach with friends whose parents chaperoned. She said the first day she visited the Desert Inn, where some of her high school buddies were staying, the wet T-shirt promoters “accosted” her to participate. She declined, she said.

“I had never seen a wet T-shirt contest before,” she said.

She asked if she could watch and said she might reconsider. The next day, she returned and paid the $5 entry fee. She wore bikini bottoms and a T-shirt cut by promoters to expose her breasts. Though alcohol was free, she said she drank none.

Hillsborough: Lawsuit says video exploits teen’s naivete

Russian man takes porno mags to his grave

Attaboy!

A Russian pensioner has designed his own coffin to include space for his prized collection of porn mags.

Vladimir Villisov decided to have a special coffin made after surviving a heart attack and realising he did not want to leave the magazines behind.

“The girls in those magazines have been my companions for years, and I want them to accompany me to the next life,” said the unmarried 65-year-old from Mramorskoe.

He added that he even sometimes lies in his coffin, lined with red satin, to read his top shelf material, reported daily newspaper Utro.

(via Ananova)

Jennifer Love Hewitt to pose for Playboy

God bless her little heart!

52281.jpgSqueaky clean Jennifer Love Hewitt may soon be a centerfold, sources say. “Jennifer has received some really big-bucks offers for years from magazines, including Playboy, to pose nude,” but she has always laughed off the idea, a close friend tells Star People. Although Hewitt, 26, has a hit with CBS’s Ghost Whisperer, she still wants a film career and doesn’t feel she’s getting the right scripts. “She always gets offered a cute little sidekick role,” another friend says. “She told me that maybe a sexy magazine layout with her showing her assets might give her a little edgier image and she might be considered for a femme fatale role. She knows she can pull it off, but she thinks casting directors aren’t so sure.”