Apparently God is an Orlando Magic fan. Apparently, God also wanted the Magic to lose 3 out of the 7 games for dramatics. God also hated the Celtics so much that he allowed them to win the championship last season.

It falls in line when you are at a funeral and people say shit like “God takes all the good ones first.” What the fuck does that mean? I will tell you what it means, all the living are assholes. People like Hitler have to kill themselves instead of the mighty hand of God doing us all the favour. George W. Bush was president for 8 years and didn’t die while choking on a pretzel. Does this mean God will intentionally sabotage the planet with billions of fucktards and take a select few up with him? And the people that he decided to bring to heaven with him, they have to get cancer and wilt away to nothing before they can join him. How fucked is that?

For the record, Kathy Griffin has the best all time acceptance speech

Before you open your mouth and try to speak for God, think for a second, then keep your mouth shut.

I can see one or possibly two days of rioting and then protesting… but this is the 7th day!

For me, most of the arrogant teens out there have it coming. Not being shot or anything like that, but they need a good kicking or a stiff talking to. I don’t know, that is just my view. I do know some pretty good teens I guess, but for the most part, they are just “Full Retarded.”

Story via Reuters

TORONTO (Reuters) – An attendant at a Canadian restaurant who was sacked for giving a bite-sized doughnut, worth 16 cents, to an agitated toddler was given her job back on Thursday after the case received wide media attention.

Nicole Lilliman, a single mother, said she was dismissed from a London, Ontario, outlet of the Tim Hortons coffee and doughnut chain after video cameras captured the 27-year-old giving a Timbit to a toddler.

“It was just out of my heart, she (the toddler) was pointing and going ‘ah, ah…’ I should have gone to my purse and got the change, but it was busy,” Lilliman told the Toronto Star newspaper.

Tim Hortons said on Thursday that the firing was a mistake.

“It was the unfortunate action of one manager who unfortunately made an overzealous decision, and thankfully we were able to rectify the situation,” said company spokeswoman Rachel Douglas.

Douglas said the company, a Canadian icon with stores on virtually every high street across the country, told Lilliman that she could have her job back, and Lilliman had accepted.

A single Timbit sells for 16 Canadian cents (16 U.S. cents), but most shoppers buy boxes of 10, 20 or 40 of the deep-fried goodies, which come in a variety of flavors.

Douglas said Tim Hortons had received a number of complaints. “Thankfully we’re able to go back to them and say we were able to fix the situation,” she said.

BTW, the women in the photo are playing soccer. For real ninjas, click here.

globeandmail.com: Hijab-wearing girl blocked from judo match
ALEXANDRA PAUL

The Canadian Press

November 19, 2007 at 5:30 AM EST

WINNIPEG — Manitoba’s sport minister has ordered the agency that governs provincial sports to review a decision that banned an 11-year-old girl from a judo tournament because she wore a Muslim head scarf.

“I’ve asked Sport Manitoba to become engaged here and find out what the deal is and come to a resolution in short order,” Eric Robinson told the Winnipeg Free Press yesterday.

Hagar Outbih left a judo tournament in tears Saturday when judo officials in Winnipeg refused to let her fight while wearing the hijab.

The girl said she couldn’t believe sports officials would ban her because she wore a head scarf.

Safety, not religious reasons, determined the decision, said Judo Manitoba president Dave Minuk.

“It could be used to strangle somebody,” he said, citing International Judo Federation guidelines.

In Ottawa, a political group that represents Muslims’ interests in Canada issued a statement to condemn the Manitoba action.

“Dave Minuk’s decision effectively bars Muslim women from judo. For decades, women have fought hard for their rights and Minuk’s call is taking them away,” said the statement from the Council of American-Islamic Relations Canada. The council said the IJF ducked the issue because its rules are silent on head scarves. Last February an 11-year-old Ottawa girl was thrown out of an indoor soccer tournament for refusing to remove her hijab. A similar scene played out in Longueuil, Que., in April when a tae kwon do team of Muslim girls withdrew from a tournament after they were barred from fighting while wearing hijabs.

Bears eat man at beer festival – CNN.com
BELGRADE, Serbia Reuters — A 23-year old Serb was found dead and half-eaten in the bear cage of Belgrade Zoo at the weekend during the annual beer festival.

The man was found naked, with his clothes lying intact inside the cage. Two adult bears, Masha and Misha, had dragged the body to their feeding corner and reacted angrily when keepers tried to recover it.

“Theres a good chance he was drunk or drugged. Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage,” zoo director Vuk Bojovic told Reuters.

Local media reported that police found several mobile phones inside the cage, as well as bricks, stones and beer cans.

The Creation Museum, opening May 28, 2007, presents a “walk through history.” Designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, this state-of-the-art 60,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life.

A fully engaging, sensory experience for guests. Murals and realistic scenery, computer-generated visual effects, over fifty exotic animals, life-sized people and dinosaur animatronics, and a special-effects theater complete with misty sea breezes and rumbling seats. These are just some of the impressive exhibits that everyone in your family will enjoy.

What kind of bullshit will you get on your visit? Something like this I would think:

Creationists and evolutionists, Christians and non-Christians all have the same evidence—the same facts. Think about it: we all have the same earth, the same fossil layers, the same animals and plants, the same stars—the facts are all the same.

The difference is in the way we all interpret the facts. And why do we interpret facts differently? Because we start with different presuppositions. These are things that are assumed to be true, without being able to prove them. These then become the basis for other conclusions. All reasoning is based on presuppositions (also called axioms). This becomes especially relevant when dealing with past events.

The difference is these fucking retards think the earth is 6,000 years old and it was actually created in 7 days.

These cuckoos should have an island all to themselves. Somewhere where the all mighty God can provide them all the resources they need like the intelligently designed banana. But I wonder which banana will the all mighty God give them? Will it be the wild banana shown on the left? Will it be the cultivated seedless banana on the right?

The father of Josh Hancock filed suit Thursday, claiming a restaurant provided drinks to the St. Louis Cardinals relief pitcher even though he was intoxicated prior to the crash that killed him.

The suit, filed in St. Louis Circuit Court by Dean Hancock of Tupelo, Miss., does not specify damages. Mike Shannon’s Restaurant, owned by the longtime Cardinals broadcaster who starred on three World Series teams in the 1960s, is a defendant in the case along with Shannon’s daughter, Patricia Shannon Van Matre, the restaurant manager.

So, the restaurant is at fault for serving him what he asked for.

Other defendants include Eddie’s Towing, the company whose flatbed tow truck was struck by Hancock’s sport utility vehicle in the early hours of April 29; tow truck driver Jacob Edward Hargrove; and Justin Tolar, the driver whose stalled car on Interstate 64 was being assisted by Hargrove.

Eddie’s towing company is being sued for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Justin Tolar, who’s car happen to break down on the highway is somehow also at fault. What the fuck did he do?

The only one at fault here is the idiot baseball pitcher that obviously had an alcohol problem. I am glad it was just him and not a family on a weekend trip.

If I was one of the defendants, I would counter sue for stupidity.

Hancock’s father files suit (more)

Here is a view of Spring 2007 Collection.

WTF!?

(via J-Walk Blog)

CCTV nails sheep-shagging Turk | The Register
A Turkish citizen faces a fine or possible three years’ chokey under German animal protection laws after a farmer’s CCTV system caught him indulging in a bit of homo-ovine sexual interaction, Reuters reports.

The sheeps’ owner “became suspicious” last year and duly rigged the video surveillance set-up. It recorded the unnamed 44-year-old in the act, police in the western region of Suedhessen explained in a statement.

Spokeswoman Christine Klein said: “He admitted sodomising the animals and had no explanation for his actions.”

1. Megapixels aren’t important: What determines the resolution of a photograph or audio recording is the “enhancement” algorithm run on it. Any image, when run through the proper enhancement, will reveal sufficient detail to recognize a face, read a license plate, etc.
2. Computer screens output text at 4800 baud and make chirping sounds while doing so: Sometimes, computers can be revved up to 9600 baud, and sometimes, for instance when printing the names of conspirators, slow to 300 baud. There is a great deal of variety in the sound computers make when outputting text, though. It used to be a sound reminiscent of a lineprinter, but modern computers seem to implement a more “boop boop boop” approach. Oh, and most computers output in a 16 x 9 font.
3. All computer systems have backdoors: Hackers can get into any system by way of “backdoors” that are left by the people who originally designed the system. The password of the backdoor is generally the name of the programmer’s daughter.
4. There are wireframe schematics of every building on Earth: These schematics interface with a wide variety of sensor and alarm systems. They can be manipulated in realtime and are infinitely zoomable (see #1 above).
5. Decryption works one character at a time, while the other characters cycle quickly through all possibilities: Face detection algorithms work the same way, as do most search algorithms. Oh, and every time a detail is revealed, the computer makes a beep. You know, really, most times a computer makes a partial computation, it makes a beep.
6. It takes 10 minutes to break into a system: A computer expert will first play coy, saying that they don’t know how long it will take. Then, in a few minutes, they’ll reveal that they can get in, but they’ll need a few minutes more (damn it).
7. The US government surveils the entire planet, in realtime, and keeps the tapes: At first, this seemed implausible to me, but then I realized that they probably have a couple dozen Webcams in orbit amd use enhancement.
8. People generally keep incriminating evidence in folders organized by codename: However, they often encrypt them (see #5). Oh, and computers erase data at 300 baud, in reverse (see #2).
9. Powerful people have Webcams that record from the middle of their displays: You and I dart our eyes back and forth between the Webcam and our own screen. Powerful people have intense video conversations while staring straight into the camera and, therefore, the Webcams must be recording from the middle of their screen.
10. Powerful people have access to very powerful PDAs: The mobile computers used by powerful people not only support full video, they have acces to the realtime wireframe schematics, decryption and enhancement algorithms, and so forth. Oh, and they can read any data in any device. Oh, and as phones? They have awesome coverage.